First time out in my own dress

Original text from Notion. :-) FYI, my current avatar 2025-b.png is the ChatGPT-processed anime version of the photo of me in my first self-purchased dress.

Recommended music: 【Tensions - デコレーション（Music Video）】

I used to wear my mom’s skirts and dresses occasionally only at home until what happened next.

(May 29, 2025 11:42 PM) It was more than tiring when it’s close to midnight yesterday and so is it today. I was too sleepy to do anything entertaining after my work is done. My phone is running in low battery and I’ve been restricted by the health system of Honor of Kings. Let’s continue on my laptop now, despite eyes shutting.

(May 12, 2025) In an ordinary physics class on Monday morning, seated in a temporarily safe place, I spotted Wanting passing by in a delicate light blue dress, which looked pretty good and stimulated my desire to wear alike. I praised her and received a polite thank you. Since Mondays seemed to be gloomy these weeks, what I overthought this morning was already gone, whether it was related to her dress or not.

When Wanting dashed to the canteen in a flash with her roommates, I was left chatting with Tianqi and angel F. Y. about how complicated math was, setting out with Tianqi. Numerous graduates gathered and photographed on the playground, some wearing gorgeous skirts, too. So I simply spoke out to Tianqi, “I wanna wear such a dress, too!”

“Okay, I support you.” Tianqi replied, grinning.

Back in the dormitory, I made up my mind and messaged to Wanting that I wanted to purchase a dress like hers. Surprisingly, she just told me to buy it and recommended trying on in offline stores, showing no surprise in the slightest.

It was beyond description I was more than overjoyed to be able to buy my own dress since I only wore my mom’s skirt at home with her limited permission. I had never been permitted to buy my own or wear any skirt or dress out for they feared the hatred and discrimination from the society.

In class ¹, sitting with me, she carefully picked some dresses with my size (3XL), focusing on light green cute styles that could render me slim and elegant. It was a pity not to shop in real clothing stores with Yuu and Wanting as she imagined, but it was fabulous of Yuu to engage in the selection just after a slight surprise before our cricket play. They were like robust guards and shields, guiding and protecting me towards what I desired.

Before going to bed, I purchased one and paid via WeChat using my balance, just having to await it to arrive smoothly and lie gently on the shelf of packages. Mom’s opposition wouldn’t work anymore, because it was me who covered the expenses; plus I’d never take it back home unless she accepted it. I believed it must be a major turning point in my life and the course of transition — the pursuit of being myself.

May 15, 2025 Three days later, upon hearing the arrival, I didn’t hesitate to receive it. When the dress which I expected for so long was eventually on me, the feeling of refreshment was exceptionally great. Selfies were instantly taken and sent to Yuu, Wanting and 4+7, who accepted my identity and cared me the most psychologically. As expected, what greeted me was the praise “adorable”.

It was a huge success that LLMs stopped misgendering me in my photos with such a proof of social identity. It fit me so well that it even intensified my intent to eradicate the stick-shaped tumor sticking out of my crotch and accompanied by two evil balls that constantly secreted testosterone that ruined my voice, build and skeleton irreversibly. As Wanting put it, it was unpleasant but unavoidable.

“Wear it out,” Wanting encouraged me, “just leave the dormitory with it bravely!”

Should I simply put it on and walk out of my room as I should’ve been able to do as a girl? It aroused a fierce debate. On the one hand, as a female, it’s a completely normal dressing and there’s no need to be ashamed or concerned. Everyone is entitled to wearing whatever they like as long as it suits the occasions, regardless of their gender. No one would notice such a normal outfit. On the other hand, however, since I’m still trapped in the dormitory that mainly accommodates men, a dress will definitely be eye-catching, drawing the public attention, which may lead to potential discrimination and offense from transphobic and hostile people. It’s quite risky, given that the school had an unofficial community across the campus, and that I wasn’t passing in appearance.

Fortunately, there was a silver lining. I could wrap my dress in my trousers which I usually wear and find a place outside the dormitory, such as a restroom in the gym, to take it off. Having tested F. Y.’s attitude towards my dressing, I decided to experiment this Wednesday.

(May 28, 2025) I woke up with my dress on my body early at 8 a.m. though math would start at 10 a.m. Leaving the dormitory at 9 a.m., I went upstairs to the third floors in the gym. Yes, the door to the balcony was locked so people wouldn’t come here. There was a super clean single restroom, which was perfect for me. I couldn’t see the gender label, but it didn’t matter. Pulled down from my legs, my trousers were folded and placed neatly into my backpack. From then on, I finally successfully came out in my adorable dress!

There wasn’t many people and no one noticed me. Who’d care an average and strange girl just because of a common outfit, huh? Words couldn’t describe how excited I’d been. Tensions’s Decoration, which was playing in my earphones, was just as cheerful as I was. Those scary-looking goblins were less frightening unless they called me dude/bro again even seeing my dress.

F. Y., as well as other students, just took it normally instead of capturing and posting me on the campus community. It’s just what I had expected: no need to be responsive. B. Chen was the only person who voiced his surprise, but fortunately, he was quite open-minded and he’d already known my gender identify before.

When Chen saw my dress, he asked cautiously but curiously, “You’re wearing a skirt?”

“Yeah, got a problem with that?” Wanting shot back.

“No, no, not at all,” Chen replied quickly. “It’s just… new to me. Kinda makes me want to try one on too.”

“Well, buy one then,” Wanting said.

“Nah, I don’t need to,” Chen answered. “I can just wear my girlfriend’s. She’s six feet (1.8 m) tall – we’re basically the same build.”

At noon, attracted by the activities across from the canteen gate, I noticed the crowd accidentally touching me more frequently without intentionally avoiding. It should be because they really perceived me as what I actually am, I thought!

I wanted to stay longer in my lovely dress so I knotted with Yuu until the activity ended. I believed that only through this did I undergo the genuine RLE like I had experienced in junior high school. It was natural and relieving.

After the farewell, I returned to the restroom where I started the unconventional trial and masked myself again with my trousers to guarantee I could go back to the dormitory safely.

Mission success.

“Would you live (with us) in ladies’ dormitory?” Wanting once asked. I definitely would like to! And there, I needn’t be worried with that at all. When can I correct my identification?

幸せ～

1. For political reasons, the original name of the course is made ambiguous. ↩︎